Notes From The Week #33

What’s good my people? Hope we’re all doing well and looking forward to the week ahead. I had a beautiful weekend. I was in Ireland for a friend’s wedding and it was great to see him tie the knot. It was also nice to spend time with friends in a new city. In true fashion, there were a few Manchester United jokes. Far too many people offered to get me a 7up for me to think that they were genuinely concerned about my hydration. This week we’ll be taking a look at confidence. I had a conversation with a friend about the delicate process of cultivating and building confidence and wanted to expand on some points.

A True Confidence

Being confident and humble are two traits that can help you navigate various situations and relationships in a positive way.

1. Confidence: Being confident allows you to believe in your abilities and pursue your goals with determination. It helps you to take risks, learn from your mistakes, and develop resilience. Confidence can also inspire others and make them trust and respect you.

2. Humility: Being humble allows you to recognise your limitations and weaknesses. It helps you to learn from others, accept feedback, and grow as a person. Humility also enables you to be empathetic and respectful towards others, and to appreciate their contributions and perspectives.

Together, confidence and humility can help you strike a balance between assertiveness and openness to feedback. This can make you a more effective leader, team player, and communicator. It can also improve your relationships with others, as you are more likely to listen and learn from them, while also advocating for yourself and your goals.

Nelson Mandela: Mandela was a leader who spent 27 years in prison for fighting against apartheid in South Africa. When he was released, he became the country's first black president and worked to heal the divisions in the country. He was both confident in his vision for a free and democratic South Africa, and humble in his approach to leadership, emphasising the importance of forgiveness and reconciliation.

I’ve recently finished reading The Charisma Myth written by Olivia Fox Cabane. I was interested in learning more about charisma as a skill that can be learnt as opposed to an innate state of being. I would definitely recommend the book for anyone wanting to improve their confidence, presence and communication skills in both personal and professional contexts. Cabane's approach is based on scientific research and real-world examples, making it accessible and actionable for anyone looking to improve their charisma.

In the book charisma is broken down into three components: presence, power and warmth. Throughout her breakdown of each component Cabane emphasises the importance having a sense of self is to one’s charisma. In concluding the second chapter, she writes:

It’s important to stress how important our internal states are in determining our external behaviours and actions. At the core of our internal state is our understanding and view of our own self—which with patience can be cultivated. Developing a strong sense of self is a process that takes time and effort, but there are several strategies you can use to help build and strengthen your sense of self:

1. Know your values and beliefs: Take the time to reflect on your personal values and beliefs. What is important to you? What do you stand for? Knowing your values and beliefs helps you stay true to yourself and make decisions that align with your principles.

2. Practice self-awareness: Self-awareness is the ability to observe and understand your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. By developing self-awareness, you can better understand your strengths, weaknesses, and tendencies, which helps to build a more authentic sense of self.

3. Set boundaries: Setting boundaries is an important part of developing a strong sense of self. It involves saying "no" to things that don't align with your values or priorities, and protecting your time and energy from things that drain you or cause you stress.

4. Embrace your strengths: Focus on your strengths and what you do well. This can help boost your confidence and reinforce your sense of self.

5. Seek out new experiences: Trying new things can help you learn more about yourself and what you enjoy. Whether it's taking up a new hobby or traveling to a new place, stepping out of your comfort zone can help you build a more complete sense of self.

I’m still on my own marathon working on my internal state but it’s a worthwhile journey. I would recommend ya’ll to take some time to explore your own internal states. Introspect. Reflect. Examine. It’s amazing the things that come to us when we allow ourselves the opportunity to pause. Developing our sense of self is one of the highest ROI activities a person can do. Echoing the words of the great Lauryn Hill—”how you gon’ win when you ain't right within?”

Until next week. Peace.